I want to give up… Not life but everything else. I just want to let go of everything and not care anymore but I can’t. I’m tired of trying, tired of fighting, not knowing what I’m fighting for.

My heart is heavy today, watching the rain fall, pigions dancing, and all we have are excuses. What is it all for?

If i thought meeting smarter people would make a difference, the kind of people who arent concerned with our petty problems… The kind of people who dictate our very being but then i remember, we all have that role. Yet non of us are no more intelligent than the next. We redesign languages, fashion art and codes to guide one another but in the end we’re just trying to make ot through the day.

Why do i keep falling? Why am i alone? I’m no more crazy than the next man or woman, i have a firm grip on what is real and not (I think) so why am i continually falling down.

Sure, I can imagine that i have some higher calling but I’m no better than any other artist, i rarely complete any work to sell anymore and i have no one to sell it for me. Shit!! It’s just pictures, art wouldn’t be anything were not for some smart ass turning it into a luxury item and who had the idea to make it transcendent, adding supernatural pressure to our already troubling minds. Children at war, with ourselves and history.

If you’d ask why i wrote this way or write at all, my clever excuse would be ‘god’ or Our Father on a distant planet but the reality is that i am hurting inside, alone and sometimes afraid; afraid of who I’m trying not to be…. But who is that anymore?

Age and experience have gotten the better of me, some days i feel wise and vindicated, while others lay me a fool. Where is my head now.