It’s a beautiful morning, here in Portland Oregon. The night was warm and I watched ANOTHER “peaceful protest.”

I am sitting on the curb, front of the Rescue Mission on w Burnside, after using the restroom for the second time tonight. I’m not sure what the problem is but I’ve had the runs off and on for two weeks now. At my workplace we are heat tested, no sign of fever but I wonder …what’s going on with my body.

I suppose it’s stress or maybe the places I eat put a laxative in the food; I fucking hope not.

FUCK!! I fucking hate being outdoors. I’d take a day off to visit a social services place but I think they’re all shut down and every day I take off is a day I cannot get a hotel room.

I was so close to getting things back together, I fucking had an apartment in June and lost a job in October. This was not supposed to happen. Now there’s a damn pandemic… What kind of fortune is this. I’m glad to be sober and have triumphed of those demons bit damn. Come on God, damnit.

How hard have I struggled to be independent. How hard have I struggled to be healthy. Damn.

Damn damn damn.

Suppose I should go to the waterfront and relax, maybe put my feet into the water. Damn my life.

But I will be strong, for no other reason but to be.