Hello beautiful world.. how are you today?

…so I want to start off by saying, contrast to what WP or popular culture calls it.. I’m not a Blogger.

I’m just a lonely old man working out his thoughts and you just happened to be here… Shit, I’m surprised you came at all… I think you’re all A.I. but it doesn’t matter.

I want to tell you this story about Johnny Roefish.

We met a few years back on a city transit, I don’t have many interactions outside of work so I welcomed the engagement. I found Me Roefish interesting. He, an older ‘black’ gentleman, with kind eyes.. having situational troubles, much like my own. He told me about dog he had, who passed away in the night. “I was just a boy then, I really don’t know if it was nighttime but it might as well have been.” He said.. “I still think about the little motherfucker, when I have nothing else to occupy my mind”. Me, myself, remember dogs my father kept and the cat I had in 2011.. she was a mean old girl, didn’t like anyone but me.

Anyways, we talk once in awhile.. me an Johnny, not the cat.

Johnny told me today that he’d been awake all night, watching the future. He’s not homeless anymore and has taken a roommate. “Me too” I said.. “shes the cutest lil lady I ever have had in my presence for a long time now”. When he asked if I made a move on her, I chuckled. “It’s been a long time Johnny, I wouldn’t know what to do anymore. We both laughed aloud.

“Michael, last night was the first time, no I’m lying but in these past few hours.. I’ve jerked off more than I have in a few years.” He laughed again as I said me too but I can’t do it while she’s there (my roommate). Last thing I need is to have her hear me moaning in the night. He said.. “maybe she wants to”. I gave him the raised eyebrow and shook my head. Even if I wanted to, it’s not appropriate.. all those years of watching porn just ruined sex or maybe the thrill is gone, I dunno.

He said “Michael, I must have got my sick off five times.. I jerked off before I passed out and when I woke up. I jerked off like I was 22 years old again. I don’t know what came over me.” Probably just because I was alone for a few hours.”

Laughing again… Inside I’m thinking the same. What came over me and how am I going to feel now that she’s gonna be gone for awhile… I never realized just how lonely I was when I lived alone and what does it mean.. I mean.. when we “pleasure”ourselves.. what is the real goal.

Other than to get that overwhelming flood of emotional sickness off?

On a different tangent… I know, that I don’t take very good care of myself. I try but so much time has gone by and the world seems to be as I as I am now, I don’t think I like that. It’s still sickening.. that others get the assistance they need and waste it while I fight tooth and nail to gather my own mind.

PAUSED.

I masterbated a lot in my youth.. couldn’t leave the house if I didn’t but it changed when I used that energy in my art but hmm… TBC…(I gotta get back to work now. Maybe I’ll finish this later 😉)

Why am I telling you about jerking off? I’m not really, well, kinda.

I suppose that’s a healthy sign? But I really don’t want to be lusting all the damn time.. sure you ladies are cute but you’re all cute. So why do we REALLY need to “get that sick off”.

I’m home now and my roomie isn’t in.. thats good.

This Covid thing has become a sore on so many levels. I was ready to live again until I lost my job and home last year.. I was ready to hit the clubs and dance, do art, find the love of my life 😆 or at least try.

Now what? Lol.

What makes you hungry and what do you do with that energy when you’re not being a horny rabbit.