Hello Notes;

This site was supposed to be about my art and the attempt to make a business of it but it’s become more of a confessional and testament of my experience. While I tell you more than you need to know, there’s so much more that I am not saying but I can’t seem to stop either way and I guess it’s therapeutic. I suppose if you were gonna purchase items from an artist, you might want to know their story… the good bad and ugly, right?

Anyway I spilled this moment among my peers on FB and I figured I should have my own record of it, since I usually archive it right away from there. They rarely respond because they know I am strong enough and will walk through it and I don’t expect any of you to response but it feels good just to put it into the wind. maybe one of you are having a similar experience or just trying to find the momentum that forces it out.. I know it should be more creative in its delivery but sometimes…. you just got to keep it real and in the moment.

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Sometimes… My heart hurts when try to imagine what my family would be, had we not fallen so far apart. I wish my mother wasn’t ill or my fathers passing. Even failed relationships get me down sometimes. I talked about never getting married but that’s all I ever wanted; 2.5 kids, a dog and a little house. Seniors adore me… “Michael why aren’t you married, you’re so sweet”. I was a troubled child, even more-so after pops passing. I tried to have a family but life always had other plans for me, so I live vicariously through my peers. I am fortunate to have had the experience I’ve had. Most people with similar backgrounds don’t get so far or survive for as long as I have.I have serious trust issues, even with friends who have been the strongest influences; it’s not their fault though. For as rounded I as I am, there are some emotions I haven’t fully expressed and it hurts to harbor such rage.

There’s so much I want and need to talk about but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, I hurt enough people unintentionally just trying to protect them.I am thankful that I have these talents, the art forms that allow me to speak without words and weep without tears, I am thankful that I can now use the words also. A young man at work, who is Samoan calls me his brother, he confides in me about his relationship, calling me wise. I am fool, I tell him but whatever it is I’m saying hits home. I am glad he finds comfort in my words. I hope, love will find me again before I die or maybe that’s whats keeping me alive. I’ll probably die the day I get married. shesh, with my luck and history. What a fucking life……Whatever you’re going through out there, whether you’re with the love of your life or not, I want you to know that you are okay, even if you’re not. Believe me, I’ve risen and fallen more times than I can remember….. So can you.

Goodnight Notes,

Thanks for listening.