The time is 24:43, I am in bed after trying spacing out on the keyboard. It’s not a very good track, in fact it’s rushed and doesn’t have much heart at all.. maybe I should go back to drawing but making this “music” lol 😂 noise!! Really helps me separate myself from the rattling about and within me.

Speaking of rattling… I have a chill piano playlist on the telly, which I put on each night as I lay my head. It is the most sensible thing to have on to drown out the bar downstairs. My god, karaoke sucks. That’s not fair, sorry… I just don’t like voices other than the inaudible voices in my head.

I enjoy the piano, I used to play as a child. I must say this last month is the most peaceful that my life has ever been. That frightens me.

It frightens me because it’s in my imagination that when I’m finally happy… I die. Fucked up right?! To have your mind so screwy, to finally come to a crossroad where everything is cool and you make the mistake of a realizing that you’re happy and all hell breaks loose

😂😂

I am grateful that you reveal yourself  as a reader. I don’t talk much to people anymore, unless work calls for it. I feel awkward now, even when the old flame wants to visit me. It’s cool to have a girl being flirty with me but shit, is that all we gonna talk about. Or have I gotten old and prudish? Lol 😆 NO! I might be a lil more cautious about who I put my cock into 🤭 but I’ll still flip that ass and and handle… Sorry😇

No really, that’s why I stopped and went celibate 🤔is that how you spell that damn word🤔 I don’t care really. You probably think I’m an illiterate nutt.. I might be?! I don’t care about much of anything or anyone these days. I just wanna die in my own damn house and be a cheerful old man.

Would you believe that of all the girls I’ve dated, I’ve only chosen maybe two. I didn’t chase girls, I never really wanted sex from them. Sure I was a horny lil fucker but that was never the goal, I just wanted the company. I’d be married now if any one of them understood that.

But how did this happen…I am sweet, kind and all those things. Yet never have I felt adult with any of them. Never whole?

I feel like I must apologize for my grammar and punctuation but if you’ve been reading.. you know I don’t care to edit as I think and thumb this shit down.

Shit!! I need to shut my damn eyes . Goodnight Notes.

I hope there’s just enough drama in your life to remind you that you are alive. hmmm.