I’ve been laying here for the better part of three hours, five if you count the movies and TV shows. Honestly it’s been a rather lazy day but I’ve been sitting here over the last two or three in debate on writing at this hour. the time is now 04:19 in Portland Oregon. So ummm, did we have daylight savings time? No one’s telling me to spring forward fall back and it’s much darker by 4 ish or is that five?

Anyways, I have this affinity for psychological films, they really get to me. So, I was watching one and suddenly forgot that i was watching, then I found myself on a bus to the grocery store. A chunky white man walked to the rear of the bus as where I was seated and he stated “you’ve got the best seat in the house” as he sat aside of me at the back windows. I nodded to be polite but I rarely speak to strangers, unless they insist on speaking… most times people do this just to hear themselves speak or ease their comfort. I mean… if you’re going to speak, you might as well get in to it.

I was going to note that I couldn’t recall if id watched the odd film first or after my adventure to the store but why bother, this isn’t a damn movie. I have the work van but i rode the bus just to get some exercise and that i didn’t want to hunt for parking afterwards. My body’s jacked up; I need an alignment from a chiropractor that will beat my body back together… this feel-good massage stuff doesn’t fit the bill if you’re not going to suck me off afterwards. Sorry I’m being forward, i should be so forward that the chiropractor’s office too huh.

I’m a prime candidate for Alzheimer’s or dementia, i haven’t been diagnosed but being an artist, that hasn’t really gotten anywhere with his art seems like prime material right. Screw talent, I have it in spades but what I have is vision… Learned artist don’t get vision without guidance but maybe that’s my ego talking. Anyways, it’s nice and terrible to know that there are other creative people who create films that my mind can sink into, people who are screwy in the head or just have enough madness in their life to make mine seem trivial.

I wish my life were special but I am a nobody, I have failed miserably… not really, I know I’m over exaggerating, I know im talking bullshit.

it’s been an amazing fucking life! So, shit don’t present itself like gold and shit but the hard times are just as fucking cool and even more satisfying that if everything worked out as planned.

Fuck know NOTHING i planned worked out but I got what I asked for in other STRANGER ways, and I’m glad to have seen it all.

Shh

I ait a big ass steak this evening… I usually have bad dreams afterwards.

Do you fart more laying down or standing throughout the day?

Have I told you that wiping my ass is difficult now because something is out of whack with my spine or something? I damn near need to do an acrobatic yoga move to get in there. Is it my hands or has my ass gotten bigger? Do overweight people have problems wiping their ass? Oh, umm I know TMI but I really enjoy telling shitty stories. Some people like fart jokes, I like talking about asses. Like, why do we gotta pay for toilet paper?! that’s not fair at all but your ass knows shitty shit paper. Oh wait!! Do you say “shit” every time you take a crap? I do, every fucking time…. okay okay enough of that bullshit.

want to know the best part about shitting? It’s that we all need to eat but no matter if you eat like a pheasant or king… we all still shit like animals.

well, I’m gonna shut up now and try to sleep

Hmmm…. What have I accomplished? Not a goddamn thing!

A little voice inside says “And you should be proud of that…. That means you haven’t fucked up someone’s life”

fuck this gut is killing me… im doing push ups and sit ups tomorrow, fuck this getting fat and old shit.