I think there are too many artists in the world, too many writers painters and musicians Too many people who want to influence others for their own gain.

Too many people learning a craft that they have no business touching. These gifts were once sacred, even feared… Now any jackass, or child of a rich jackass can learn to craft and influence people to be just as ignorant as they are.

I’m sorry that’s not fair to say all of them aren’t ignorant and some actually learn how important and dangerous these crafts are.

I wish I could get deeper into the history and philosophy right now but I’m driving and I really should be pay attention to the road. But it makes me sad but I look at the advertisements trying to sell me something I don’t need knowing that a learned artist did this.

I’m not a great artist or musician or writer, I create what I feel like at the moment. I’m never going to be rich but I don’t want influence anybody outside of my own circle if I have one at all. I think it’s a great duty no duty is probably not the right word but I feel blessed that come from such humble beginnings. I think everyone should be humbled at some point. No one should have the same job for 10 20 years, I think influencers have failed to inspire.

I don’t know what I’m saying right now I’m just trying to work out things in my head. I don’t really know why I’m talking at all, maybe maybe this is just another way to enjoy talking to myself to enjoy hearing myself.

I remember as a child knowing that I was an artist I I was compelled to draw, I had to I needed to. As I grew older I didn’t want to be called an artist but because I knew it was more than that.

Everything I am is self-taught self learned, so I have great doubt sometimes and what I do and my motivations. I don’t have any mentors no role models no one to validate or reassure what I was doing no one to challenge my frame of thought. I suppose that’s why my thoughts are so scattered when I begin to write.

I’m sorry my head’s a mess right now, I was listening to Luther vandross earlier and began singing, I remembered I was alone. I decided last night stop smoking but I don’t know how long that’s going to last.

Speaking of quitting I almost quit my job yesterday, I keep getting this jobs where I wind up by myself thinking too much. Not that I’m thinking about anything in particular but I slept somewhere else in mind. I don’t like thinking that damn much and I also don’t want to think about myself that much then I remember I’m alone. So why don’t you find someone to hang out with Michael.? I don’t know. I do but I don’t.

The frustrations of age is creeping up on me, that’s really disturbing. I think I’m too old to be looking for someone much as I need a pleasant distraction it’s too late to start thinking about a family again.. especially after three major fails why keep trying…

Why keep trying when we are we’re all so vulgarly disgusting.

😂 I clearly have issues… Oh well.

Sad songs during the winter are always good.